Chesneys Invade and Infest The Kingdom of Snurf!!


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+++ SNURF NEWS – FRI Sept 25th 2009 +++

By Cub Reporter BERNARDO SPONGECAKE

The sleepy villages and towns of the beautiful KINGDOM OF SNURF awoke this morning not to the normal cries of the roaming croissants, or the mating pleas of the male Floating Hammerfists…instead they awoke to the sight of hundreds of thousands of smiling, effervescent CHESNEYS.  In every home and hearth, within buildings high and low, from inside and outside and from every place within and without, the CHESNEYS swarmed and bundled and in some cases, where the rivers flow, rafted!

Mayor of tourist-favourite hamlet Little Epstein, His Honour The Mighty Frump, said of the infestation,

“This is a disaster for the KINGDOM OF SNURF.  We simply can’t keep this many CHESNEYS amused.  And we all know what happens when just one CHESNEY gets bored or even just a little listless!  How do we cope with hundreds of thousands of the smiling bastards hoofing it around the place, sniffing the edges of things and making a noise?!”

The Mayor, along with all the other Mayors of the KINGDOM, called on the mysterious THING IN CHARGE to send out the CARBALOIDS.  Specially designed to cope with such times of national strife, these shock troops have only once before been sent into action.  In that instance over half the population found themselves with no socks for a month…a major reason why the CARBALOIDS are held in reserve.

But with chaos looming, a lack of support from the international community, and a dance organised for this weekend, we now face the prospect of 24 hours of CHESNEYS vs. CARBALOIDS brouhaha.  Official advice is to remain upright, unless lying down or seated, remove all packaging before heating, and never to look a CARBALOID in the face (they don’t have one!).  If you should find yourself corned by a herd of CHESNEYS, try to float upwards gently and throw sticklebricks at the beasts…they will soon lose interest and look for some edges.

+++ END OF NEWS STORY +++

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About hokusbloke
30-something radio producer/director/writer, owner & MD of Ladbroke Productions (the UK's oldest independent radio production company). Lover of far fetched fiction, scifi and fantasy, my cats and all thinks tech. I am also the Chair of the Radio Independents Group, a former Trustee of the Radio Academy, and a Fellow of the RSA. I co-wrote, produced and directed Robert Rankin's "The Brightonomicon" audio series, produce Dr Who audiobooks for the BBC, and directed several sci-fi radio plays for BBC Radio 4 in 2009. I am a strong advocate for more SF audio and radio...keep watching this space for upcoming news!

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