Small Town AND Slap Happy


Due to a clerical error for which my personal assistant will be beaten mercilessly with a stick of celery, a daily poem did not appear yesterday.  AND SO, as a once in a lifetime opportunity, I now present TWO poems on ONE day.  This should not need to happen again, but if it does, well, we’ll just have to come up with some vaguely plausible excuse, won’t we.  So let us start with a short little one that won’t offend anyone…

Small Town Lake

Small Town Lake

“Small Town”

Small town by lakeside
The postcard did proudly cry
But when I arrived
No lake did I espy.

It seemed the card had been mistaken
Or the order had been badly taken
For not only was there no lake present
There was no small town from which the card could be sent

…and now a not-so-short one which will probably offend everyone, or make them laugh, or bore them, something like that…

Well Slappa-My-Face!

Well Slappa-My-Face!

“Slap Happy”

Go on, hit me with that glove
Go on, hit me hard, prove your love.
Go on, spank me with that plank
Go on, excite me ‘til I w….er, crank!

I love the way you dominate
In leather and studs, you desire to hate,
And then you demand my obedience
Your whip hand dishing out leathern guidance.

Go on, smack me ‘til my backside burns
Go on, smack me ‘til this bad boy learns.
Go on, cheese-grate my various unmentionables
Go on, taunt me ‘coz I’m so impressionable.

I’d love one day to turn the tables
And tie you up, gag and bound in stables,
I’d be the jockey with whip in hand
I’d teach you hard and you’d understand.

But you’re the boss, and I need punishment
You strike me down and now I’ve learnt,
You are my leather clad dominatrix life
Who’d have thought by day…I’m the vicar’s wife?

N.B. You can hear “Slap Happy” being read by legendary comedian Arthur Smith, and uber talent Tamsyn Challenger by clicking on the POETRY AUDIO box at the top right of the page.

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About hokusbloke
30-something radio producer/director/writer, owner & MD of Ladbroke Productions (the UK's oldest independent radio production company). Lover of far fetched fiction, scifi and fantasy, my cats and all thinks tech. I am also the Chair of the Radio Independents Group, a former Trustee of the Radio Academy, and a Fellow of the RSA. I co-wrote, produced and directed Robert Rankin's "The Brightonomicon" audio series, produce Dr Who audiobooks for the BBC, and directed several sci-fi radio plays for BBC Radio 4 in 2009. I am a strong advocate for more SF audio and radio...keep watching this space for upcoming news!

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