I Really Like Your Stapler


“I Really Like Your Stapler”

There really is nothing like
The office thief to start a fight
Over things so pointless and so small
And really worth no trouble at all.

It starts simply with a borrowed pen
But like a cancer it spreads and then
The borrower has graduated to theft 101
And then you notice there’s something wrong.

“I really like your stapler” they one day say
You know it’ll be gone by the end of the day,
“Would like my credit card too?!”
They look down, hurt and dismissive of you.

For the office thief is unaware
Of just what they are, and do not care
That their ways lead others to scream
Over petty objects missing and a simple dream…

…”I REALLY like your stapler” they’ll say,
And the victim stands and stares and they
Grab the stapler and thrust it through the eyes
Of this annoying fool who’s brought down to size.

Staples in eyeballs and paper-clips on gonads,
No longer does the thief feel one of the lads.
And as he retreats in shame and disgust
He knows they know and he knows he’s bust!

You can hear “I Really Like Your Stapler” read by the actor Kerry Shale by clicking on the audio file in the Poetry Audio box on the top right of this page.

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About hokusbloke
30-something radio producer/director/writer, owner & MD of Ladbroke Productions (the UK's oldest independent radio production company). Lover of far fetched fiction, scifi and fantasy, my cats and all thinks tech. I am also the Chair of the Radio Independents Group, a former Trustee of the Radio Academy, and a Fellow of the RSA. I co-wrote, produced and directed Robert Rankin's "The Brightonomicon" audio series, produce Dr Who audiobooks for the BBC, and directed several sci-fi radio plays for BBC Radio 4 in 2009. I am a strong advocate for more SF audio and radio...keep watching this space for upcoming news!

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