A Cautionary Tale Concerning Geography

Youve Been Warned!

You've Been Warned!

“A Cautionary Tale Concerning Geography”

It seems to me that it’s about due time
That someone took charge of the matter,
And took a step forwards and drew a firm line
And spewed forth a discourse and caused chatter.

The issue at hand is a misuse of geography
And a rampant misnomer regarding hills,
Some quite shocking mistakes in the life of the valley
And then lunch featuring pickles called Dills.

I hate to admit but once I was mistaken
In my recognition of the lay of the land,
I stand here before you corrected and shaken
By a lifelong National Trust ban.

But I sally forth so to inform this here crowd
Of mistakes that have led to much pain,
I’ll begin where I start and will enunciate loud
And it’s free, I’ll receive no financial gain.

Avoid walking too near to a mountainous drop
Or too close to the edge of the sea,
And never set fire to a farmer’s prize stock
Of organically re-fried green beans.

Go near the wooden glen at you own peril
And run swiftly past copses or else,
You could be waylaid by some vicious squirrel
Or tripped by the overgrown sea kelp.

Fences and walls and sty’s and barriers
Will all try to block your safe passage,
Beware stately homes with their tourist-attack harriers
And any sweet smelling choclatey cottage.

The land all around us is full of such dangers
They lurk hidden all in plain view,
Best stay in your 4 by 4 rover type rangers
And then get home, hire a lawyer and sue!


About hokusbloke
30-something radio producer/director/writer, owner & MD of Ladbroke Productions (the UK's oldest independent radio production company). Lover of far fetched fiction, scifi and fantasy, my cats and all thinks tech. I am also the Chair of the Radio Independents Group, a former Trustee of the Radio Academy, and a Fellow of the RSA. I co-wrote, produced and directed Robert Rankin's "The Brightonomicon" audio series, produce Dr Who audiobooks for the BBC, and directed several sci-fi radio plays for BBC Radio 4 in 2009. I am a strong advocate for more SF audio and radio...keep watching this space for upcoming news!

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