The Crab & Sock


Magpie & Corwn, Brentford...lovely pub starring the almighty Bungle behind the pumps!

Magpie & Crown, Brentford...lovely pub starring the almighty Bungle behind the pumps!

“The Crab & Sock”

Every evening, I’d go and sit,
By the roadside tar and grit.
Desiring a pint of something large and golden,
But still the traffic passed and rolled-on.

So I left my place by the road,
Packed my lunch and grabbed my load.
And went a-searching for a place,
Where chaps and lasses drank at a more leisurely pace.

The “Rambling Monk” appeared first,
A lost lonely place that failed to quench my thirst.
The barman and owner, a man named Seth.
I made a real faux-pas with his daughter Beth.

A fast run then to “The King’s Buttercup” ensued,
Funny looks my lack of breath and sorry state accrued.
Before my eyes a sight appeared,
But a second look confirmed…the barmaid had a beard!

Strolling on to “The Cumbersome Bluetit”,
I came across some navvies in a pit.
The wit and views soon became clear,
But it was sight of their butt-cracks that really put me off my beer.

I began to despair, where oh where could I satiate my need,
For the dark black pint of Irish creed?
Or look longingly at the perfect glass,
Of the golden liquid of the brewer’s arts?

And then a corner I came a-turnin’,
My eyes a-poppin’, my tongue a-burnin’.
My mid a-spinnin’, my taste-buds a-cravin’
My faith in pubs was in need of a-savin!

I’d found my dream pub, “The Crab & Sock”,
There it nestled, down by the old grey lock.
I saw my future flash before me,
A million pints, and no need to pee!

And so I remained, my pennies on the bartop,
Amusing the ladies and telling the barman “Don’t stop!”
The day grew short, I sank to my knees,
Then the nightmare again…”All right you lot…drink up…TIME PLEASE!”

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About hokusbloke
30-something radio producer/director/writer, owner & MD of Ladbroke Productions (the UK's oldest independent radio production company). Lover of far fetched fiction, scifi and fantasy, my cats and all thinks tech. I am also the Chair of the Radio Independents Group, a former Trustee of the Radio Academy, and a Fellow of the RSA. I co-wrote, produced and directed Robert Rankin's "The Brightonomicon" audio series, produce Dr Who audiobooks for the BBC, and directed several sci-fi radio plays for BBC Radio 4 in 2009. I am a strong advocate for more SF audio and radio...keep watching this space for upcoming news!

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