Is That A Lightsaber In Your Pocket?


A Yoda Finger Puppet For the Kiddies

A Yoda Finger Puppet For the Kiddies

WARNING – includes some naughty words not suitable for, well, people who don’t like rude words I suppose…oh, and children, because someone HAS to think about the children!!

“Is That A Lightsaber In Your Pocket?”

A wandering warrior I was one day,
On a planet in a universe far far away.
Described by some as a slimey mudball,
It was here I met a chap, somewhat small.

A laughing gnome, or so I thought,
Till the bastard stole the stuff I’d brought.
A wee little green and hairy guy,
With a rascal’s glint to his Muppet-like eye.

My droid and I were chowing down,
When we heard a Frank Oz-like sound.
Two pointed ears, from within our box,
A midget in some dirty Jawa’s frocks.

Walking with stick, I let him the freak pass,
And saw some bloke’s hand shoved up his arse.
Strange, I thought, but said not a word,
For fear the hand’s owner may have heard.

“Wars not make one mighty” quoth the midget,
Smart-alec riddles spawned from it.
“F**k you, green arse!” I retorted with venom,
He looked bitter, no longer a kind shaman.

Out came his mighty sword of light,
“Size not matter when I fight!”
He, his sword and his mysterious hand,
Pushed me back into some hidden quicksand.

“Hmm?  Sinking you are, heh heh heh!” he giggled,
As I struggled, wrenched and wriggled.
It slowly dawned on me…I was stuck,
He said, “Ha!  Serves you right, you arrogant f**k!”

“Oh Jedi Master,” said I, “can you not help?”
He paused, I sank, was bitten, gave a yelp.
“Midget, short-arse, now not your feelings for me?
“Master, I’ll yank you off if you do but save me!”

He thought and pondered long and hard,
And finally I felt myself moving forward.
“You are truly a Jedi Master, I see that now, of course.”
Then the s**t dropped me and I joined the Force!

P.S. I love Star Wars, especially Empire Strikes Back. This is mere loving whimsy. Thanks George, for the original Trilogy 🙂

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About hokusbloke
30-something radio producer/director/writer, owner & MD of Ladbroke Productions (the UK's oldest independent radio production company). Lover of far fetched fiction, scifi and fantasy, my cats and all thinks tech. I am also the Chair of the Radio Independents Group, a former Trustee of the Radio Academy, and a Fellow of the RSA. I co-wrote, produced and directed Robert Rankin's "The Brightonomicon" audio series, produce Dr Who audiobooks for the BBC, and directed several sci-fi radio plays for BBC Radio 4 in 2009. I am a strong advocate for more SF audio and radio...keep watching this space for upcoming news!

2 Responses to Is That A Lightsaber In Your Pocket?

  1. John Dredge says:

    i bought a car that had no wheels
    in ninety ninety five
    it didnt really bother me
    because i couldnt drive.

    jd.

  2. Marinela says:

    Thanks for sharing your poems here,I really enjoyed reading.

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