The BIG PAIR Podcast #5 – Welcome, Mr Rune!

JUST CLICK THE BIG PLAY BUTTON ABOVE TO HEAR THE PODCAST!

The BIG PAIR Podcast is back with episode 5, and this time we are giving you a complete FREE episode of the highly popular “The Brightonomicon” audio series starring legendary actor David Warner. Not only that but there is the result of our Doctor Who “The Last Dodo” competition, AND a whole new super-sized competition to enter.

Also in this episode:

* The Adventures of Dave Crampon pt 2
* A Spot Of Poetry
* Real People
* Jingles a go go!
* Shameless pimping

Places, people and things worth checking out:

THE BLOG – http://hokusbloke.wordpress.com
TWITTER – http://www.twitter.com/hokusbloke
FACEBOOK – http://www.facebook.com/radiobloke

THE BRIGHTONOMICON – http://tinyurl.com/yzz4qs9
DR WHO HORNETS’ NEST Ep 1 – http://tinyurl.com/yjbqnny
DR WHO HORNETS’ NEST Ep 2 – http://tinyurl.com/yhdn9ub
DR WHO HORNETS’ NEST Ep 3 – http://tinyurl.com/yj4gwvy
DR WHO HORNETS’ NEST Ep 4 – http://tinyurl.com/yh4hjyd
DR WHO HORNETS’ NEST Ep 5 – http://tinyurl.com/yzzkacp
Dr WHO THE FOREVER TRAP – http://tinyurl.com/yg2rgll
SARAH JANE ADVENTURES THE SHADOW PEOPLE – http://tinyurl.com/ygsu8ky
SARAH JANE ADVENTURES THE WHITE WOLF – http://tinyurl.com/ylex8ee

 

THE INSIDEOUTCAST – http://insideoutcast.mevio.com/
BOXROOM PODCAST – http://theboxroom.mevio.com/
SCIFI LONDON PODCAST – http://www.sci-fi-london.com/audio

Enjoy, share the links and enter the competition!!  Don’t forget, you can also subscribe via iTunes and get each new episode automatically.  Just clicky the button below:

N

The Poetry Pirate in HD!

OK, the Poetry Pirate has used a few of his pieces of eight and bought an HD camcorder.  Let’s see if the higher resolution helps with the appalling poetry?!

Just clicky the HD button to see it in full HD…don’t be scared

The Poetry Pirate Has Boarded!

He’s a pirate…he reads poetry…come on people, it’s not that hard to understand!!!  Here’s his first foray into the poetry reading world…”The Quest”…

Who’s Missing?

1 - The Stuff of Nightmares

It’s just before midnight on Monday October 26th 2009, and after over 6 months work, I have finally completed the 5 episode that go to make up the DOCTOR WHO HORNETS’ NEST audio series, starring Tom Baker.  All the prep, recording sessions, rough editing, construction, SFX & atmos, fine editing, drafting, final editing and mastering…it is all done!  As I type this the final two master files, for episodes 4 and 5, are burning on to a DVD-Rom ready to be picked up by courier tomorrow lunchtime (we can’t trust the post in the UK right now!).  That courier will travel all the way from my home in Croydon (South East of London) to Bath (West Country near Bristol) and deliver the masters to the team at BBC Audiobooks who will then send them off to the duplication plant and thence on to distribution.  The third episode is out in a week or so and the final two CDs are released on the 14th December, just in time for Xmas!

2 - The Dead Shoes

So that’s it…no more WHO for me for the time being.  For the next few days I think I will be quite pleased about that fact.  Pleased that the deadlines have been hit, that the BBC bosses are happy with the series, that I’ve been a fairly important part of a pretty important new addition to the ongoing Whoniverse.  I’ll also be glad the work is done, I can send in the bill and I don’t have to spend every hour I have (including late nights and weekends) editing Dr Who audio.

But after a few days I fear the withdrawal symptoms will start.  No more WHO?!  What am I going to do?  I have loved being a part of this mad and crazy adventure.  Working with Tom, and Richard Franklin, and Rula Lenska…chatting with Paul the writer, talking SFX with Michael the commissioning editor, and most of all playing around with audio with the gorgeous Kate the producer/director.  I want more, more, more!  As you can imagine, I’ll be pushing the BBC Audiobook teams to let me produce and edit more of the DW audio adventures as soon as possible.  And you never know, at some point the “Doctor Who And The Dalek Invasion Of Earth” audiobook I produced earlier this year will finally be released!

3 - The Circus of Doom

So I am going to miss being a daily part of the Whoniverse, yes indeed.  But I want to say a few words about another loss I feel at this time, related to all this Who-tastic stuff I’ve had the honour to work on.

On November 5th this year (just a week away), it will be the sixth anniversary of the death of my best friend, Pete Barnes.  He died, aged 30, of a massive stroke…there were no signs or warnings, it came on suddenly one Sunday afternoon while we were playing a computer game in the flat we shared.  By the following morning he was gone.  No reasons…no rationalisations…a perfectly fit and healthy young man taken away and nothing for any of us to pin the blame on. Pete was just gone.

Pete and I had been best friends for 16 years, had worked at Tesco’s together collecting trolleys aged 15, started at Hospital Radio Bedford together, moved on to Supergold and Chiltern Radio together, then gone in separate directions work-wise for a few years but forever being the best of buds and supporting each other while doing all the stupid things guys do together.  We went on wild and wacky holidays together, saw far too many films and concerts, drove the length and breadth of the UK together, watched even more films, and sung a lot of songs BADLY while driving around.  Yes, we were a very real ODD COUPLE, we were brothers and we had a blast.  I suppose I was thinking we would even grow to become GRUMPY OLD MEN!! Eventually, in 1999 when I bought my flat in Croydon, Pete moved in as my lodger and we were able to enjoy living out all our earlier dreams of drinking cider on the couch while playing computer games, talking about Star Wars and then watching far far too many DVDs!

4 - A Sting In The Tale

So as you can imagine, having him suddenly die on Sunday in late 2003 came as a bit of a shock to me.  It isn’t too much to say that I am still suffering from the loss.  I threw myself in to my work as a means of escape, and Pete must have been smiling on me, coz work worked out!  Since 2003 I have been able to achieve just about all my professional goals in life, helped many talented people get on to UK radio, assisted charities and trade unions, fought the good fight and come out the other side with all my bits intact.  And here I sit, typing this blog, the owner of my own successful independent production company, relatively well-known and I hope somewhat respected for my producing and directing, and generally in a pretty good place.

But coming to the end of this WHO adventure has hit me with a reality shock…Pete would have LOVED this.  He was the true Who fan.  He had the VHS tapes and the DVDs, the books, the t-shirts, the toys, the signed this thats and the others.  he dragged me to conventions and signings so he could meet Colin and Peter and Sylvester.  He died before New WHO debuted, so he never got to see his beloved hero return to the small screen.  But he would have loved what the BBC has done over the past few years.  I’ve enjoyed the New WHO, but he would have been bouncing off the walls, reading every snippet of information, checking out every fan site and web site…he would have been insufferable, but in an endearing way (just as he was with Star Wars!)

5 - Hive Of Horror

So to have been so involved in the comeback of Tom Baker, well, that would have blown his mind.  I like to think that he is getting a buzz out of the fact that my home editing office is in his old bedroom, so in some small way he has had a part in bringing Tom back as well.  But I am sad, because I so want to play him the audio,  I so want to get his reaction, to see his smile and hear his thoughts.  I wanna have him bug me for a chance to meet Tom, to get an autograph or to come to one of the sessions.  Just as he would have fizzed at every moment of The Brightonomicon audio series, Pete would have been my biggest supporter, and most annoying critic (!) throughout the Hornets’ Nest series.

I miss him so very much, and I wish he was still here.  I forgive him the OTT anoraking of incessant Star Wars and Dr Who fandom…if I am honest, I loved it every bit as much as he did!  So I would like to, UNOFFICIALLY, dedicate DOCTOR WHO HORNETS’ NEST to him, to his memory, to his love of the Doctor, and to his friendship.  Without him I wouldn’t have gotten to where I got in life, and I wouldn’t have gotten to make a Tom Baker WHO adventure like this!

And please, if you have lost someone close to you, I would also like to dedicate the series to them…especially if they were a WHO fan, but even if they weren’t.  Doctor Who reminds us  that friendship and family are all-important…as are having fun, a sense of adventure and a child-like fascination with the world.  Our companions may no longer be with us in person, but they remain with us in spirit (and re-runs!) forever.

Love, Neil x

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If you would like to help find a cure for stroke, and fund help for those suffering from stroke, please consider donating what you can to THE STROKE ASSOCIATION:

CLICK HERE TO DONATE

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Having got all that off my chest…do please consider buying the CD’s or downloads…ep 3 is released at the start of November and eps 4 & 5 come out on 14th Dec.  You can buy them from the BBC Shop, Amazon, Audible, Play, iTunes and all good audio retailers.

I Wanna Be Xmas #1!

Me!

So, way back when, in the year 1995, I worked at a radio station called B97, which was a rebrand of its original name Chiltern Radio 96.9…this is in a town called Bedford in East Anglia in the UK.  The station had partnered with the local commercial TV network (Anglia!) to raise money and toys for the annual Anglia TV Kids Toy Appeal.  As well as promoting it on air, and running trails for it and encouraging the listeners to send in toys, the programme controller, Derek, decided it would be a fun idea for us to record and release our own Xmas single. So, being the only musician at the radio station, he came to me and asked me to write it, record it and sort the whole thing out.  To do this I had to include the breakfast show team (as it was to be ‘their’ Xmas song) and the whole station was to help promote it and sell it.

So what was I to do?  Yes I was a musician, a bad one!  I play bass guitar, but I am no Paul McCartney!  So I got in touch with an old chum from the radio station, Paul garner (now very well-known for his comedy writing for the likes of Ali G, Bo Selecta, etc…).  he was a much more accomplished musician, played guitar,piano, drums…he could even sing!  We spent a few evenings thrashing out the concept, and then arrived at the final song.

The old Chiltern Radio

Meanwhile, the breakfast show team had done a deal with a local recording studio, The Bunkers, to allow us time and studio space to record and master the song.  So, over a couple of long evenings, Paul and I, and the Bunkers team, set about recording our silly, comedic Xmas single.  As a sound engineer I loved the sessions…not just getting to play my bass and sing, but to watch paul do his thing, and help out with all the technical stuff!  We decided we wanted a big chorus type affair for the, well, choruses, and for the big ending, so we arranged for all the radio station staff, friends and family plus some mad volunteers from Yamaha who were based up the road in Milton Keynes, to come down to the Bunkers one afternoon and sing a few lines like a bunch of nutters.  Anglia TV even filmed it and we got our ugly mugs on the telly that evening.

Finally the song was finished.  Colleagues at the radio station had done a deal with a local duplicating house to get the track manufactured, and all the WH Smith stores in the region agreed to sell it for us.  We debuted the single on the breakfast show with Neil & Tim, then set about promoting the heck out of it.

Did it sell?  Yes it did actually!  We made a decent amount of money from it, and I believe it charted somewhere in the high hundreds (terrible, really!).  It was a lot of fun to do, helped a great cause, and allows me to say that I have released an Xmas single in my life!!

And now I reckon it’s time for its revival.  Xmas 2009 is rushing towards us and I think we need a serious threat to the X-Factor dominance of the Xmas #1 spot.  So have a listen to our wonderful song, and let me know if you’d support us releasing it for Xmas.  Money would go to the Stroke Association if we were to do this.

So here it is…”Floppy Gifts For Christmas”…slightly crappy quality as I grabbed this version from a cassette copy – just clicky the PLAY button below…….

Written by Paul Garner & Neil Gardner

Performed by Paul Garner, Neil Gardner, Neil Bentley, Tim Page, B97 Crew, Yamaha Crew

Recorded at The Bunkers, Bedford

Thanks to B97/Chiltern Radio & all who helped make it possible.

The BIG PAIR Podcast – Ep 4 – Dr Whooooo, Ooh, Dr Who!

You can now listen to the podcast by clicking the play button above!

The BIG PAIR Podcast is back with episode 4, and this time we are giving up most of the show to a chat and Q&A session with Kate Thomas, Dr Who Audio director & producer from BBC Audiobooks. She talks about her favourite Who stories, making Who audio adventures, what’s coming up next and much more.

There is also a kick-ass competition in which YOU could win a signed copy of “Doctor Who – The Last Dodo” 2xCD audio adventure from BBC Audio. Signed by Kate who directed it, and read by Freema Agyeman.

Also in this episode:

* The Adventures of Dave Crampon
* Dr Hill’s Cabinet of Curiosity
* Real People
* Jingles a go go!
* Shameless pimping

Places, people and things worth checking out:

THE BLOG – http://hokusbloke.wordpress.com
TWITTER – http://www.twitter.com/hokusbloke
FACEBOOK – http://www.facebook.com/radiobloke

THE BRIGHTONOMICON – http://tinyurl.com/yzz4qs9
DR WHO HORNETS’ NEST Ep 1 – http://tinyurl.com/yjbqnny
DR WHO HORNETS’ NEST Ep 2 – http://tinyurl.com/yhdn9ub
DR WHO HORNETS’ NEST Ep 3 – http://tinyurl.com/yj4gwvy
DR WHO HORNETS’ NEST Ep 4 – http://tinyurl.com/yh4hjyd
DR WHO HORNETS’ NEST Ep 5 – http://tinyurl.com/yzzkacp
Dr WHO THE FOREVER TRAP – http://tinyurl.com/yg2rgll
SARAH JANE ADVENTURES THE SHADOW PEOPLE – http://tinyurl.com/ygsu8ky
SARAH JANE ADVENTURES THE WHITE WOLF – http://tinyurl.com/ylex8ee

THE INSIDEOUTCAST – http://insideoutcast.mevio.com/
BOXROOM PODCAST – http://theboxroom.mevio.com/

Enjoy, share the links and enter the competition!!

N

Home Grown – on BBC Radio 4

In case you missed it, this morning at 11am BBC Radio 4 had a documentary called “Home Grown”, which was presented by Yasmeen Khan and produced by Yasmeen and myself.

Since I am shameless, here’s a link to the BBC’s iPlayer where you can listen to the programme for the next 7 days:

CLICKY HERE

And here’s some info on the prog…hope you enjoy the listen:

Yasmeen Khan investigates the growing trend amongst British Asian men to marry women from their native countries…forget arranged/forced marriages, this is something completely different!

Despite being raised in the UK, many second generation British… Asian men are choosing to marry women from ‘back home’, i.e. from India, Pakistan or Bangladesh. These are young professionals, working alongside British Asian women in places such as investment banks, law companies and accounting practices. So why are they choosing to marry women from their parental country of origin? Some cite that their female British Asian counterparts are ‘too modern’; others feel they can’t live up to a British Asian girl’s expectations.

This cultural phenomenon is unique to the second generation of British Asians; while it could be expected that those born in Britain would seek partners from a similar background or even increasingly ‘marry out’ of the culture to a White partner, few would have predicted that a generation would end up struggling with a culture and identity that left them choosing a partner from their parents’ country of origin.

Broadcaster Yasmeen Khan, who has written on Asian dating both from a personal and journalistic perspective uncovers why many young British Asian want a ‘home grown’ girl; many of whom are just as educated and professional as their British Asian peers. She travels around the UK and asks young British Asian men and women what their expectations of a partner are, whether they find it hard to juggle their own desires with that of their parents and community, and of the men who brought over a wife from ‘back home’, did the match live up to expectations? And Yasmeen seeks to discover if there is a fundamental problem between British Asian men and women when British Asian clerics have to run marriage seminars telling young men not to be intimidated by their female peers?

Presenter: Yasmeen Khan
Producer: Neil Gardner & Yasmeen Khan

A Ladbroke Radio production for BBC Radio 4

A Short Visit

Well, hullo there!  I’ve been lax in my recent postings.  Why?  I’ve been up to my neck in radio programme making and Dr Who audio adventure editing!

My company, Ladbroke Productions, has had a busy month, with our ground-breaking investigative series “Inside The Bermuda Triangle” airing in mid-Sept, our archive hour prog about Peter Scott “Scott of Slimbridge” airing in late Sept and World Service repeating our religious doc “Twin Sisters, Two Faiths” a week ago.  While all that was happening we made a medical doc (no pun intended!) with Dr Phil Hammond called “Metaphor For Healing” which airs on Radio 4 on 27th Oct; a classical music history programme called “Hidden Composers” which airs on BBC Radio 3 on 31st Oct; and I’ve produced a doc about British Asian marriage problems called “Home Grown” which airs on BBC Radio 4 this Wednesday 14th Oct at 11am.

Alongside all that good stuff, I’ve been continuing to edit together the final 2 episodes of the brand new Tom Baker Doctor Who audio Adventure “Hornets’ Nest”.  We finish the final editing this week, and then they head off for duplicating and shipping.  You can get hold of ep 3 “The Circus of Doom” on Nov 5th, and eps 4 & 5 “A Sting In The Tale” & “Hive of Horror” on Dec 5th.  It’s been great fun these past 6 months bringing Tom back as the Doctor.

So what next?  I am producing a new religious doc called “Protected By Faith” presented by John Waite and airing on Radio 4 in mid-Dec.  It is about the Vatican art conservationists.  My colleague Neil Rosser is making a Radio 2 doc called “Development Hell” with Adam & Joe all about films that never got made, as well as a 6 part series about Elvis also for Radio 2.

We are also pitching for BBC radio 2, 4, 7 and World Service work for next year, so it’s brains in gear and lots and lots of raw proposals.

So busy busy.  But I’ll be back soon with more from the KINGDOM OF SNURF, more Doctor Who shenanigans, more FICTS, more toot talking and more THE BIG PAIR PODCAST.

Stay hoopy

http://www.ladbrokeradio.com

A Whole Heap of Who!

Blimey! What a start to the month – a whole heap of Doctor Who related audio adventures that I have produced and/or edited are now available for you lucky Whovians to buy.  So with no further prevarication, let’s get on with the sales pitch!

“The Sarah Jane Adventures – The Shadow People” by Scott Handcock

Starring Elizabeth Sladen

Produced by Neil Gardner for BBC Audio

“A school camping trip to Snowdonia spells trouble for Sarah Jane and her friends, as they find themselves stranded in a harsh environment. What shadowy figure is watching them? How can Rani be in two places at once? And what secret does a nearby cave hold? Based on the hit CBBC TV series, “The Shadow People” is written by Scott Handcock. Elisabeth Sladen narrates the story as Sarah Jane Smith.”

CLICK HERE TO BUY FROM AMAZON

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“The Sarah Jane Adventures – The White Wolf” by Gary Russell

Starring Elizabeth Sladen

Produced by Neil Gardner for BBC Audio

“A letter from an old friend she can’t remember sparks off another adventure for Sarah Jane, as she and her friends explore the village of Wolfenden. What is the secret of the white wolf carved on the hillside – and what does it have to do with alien abduction? Based on the hit CBBC TV series, “The White Wolf” is written by Gary Russell. Elisabeth Sladen narrates the story as Sarah Jane Smith.”

CLICK HERE TO BUY FROM AMAZON

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“Doctor Who: Hornets’ Nest – The Dead Shoes” by Paul Magrs

Starring Tom Baker & Richard Franklin

Produed & Directed by Kate Thomas

Edited by Neil Gardner for BBC Audio

“Visiting the English seaside town of Cromer in the summer of 1932, the Doctor happens upon the strange world of the Cromer Palace of Curios. The young Ernestina Scott is unusually beguiled by one of the museum’s exhibits, and when the Doctor befriends her, they unwittingly embark upon a terrifying escapade. Chased by animated dolls through a nightmarish model house, the Doctor realises he is being hunted by a familiar enemy. The unmistakable sound of hornets is in the air, and they are keen to speak to him. Overseeing this game of cat and mouse is the Palace of Curios’ curator – a certain Mrs Wibbsey…With Tom Baker as the Doctor, Richard Franklin as Mike Yates, Susan Jameson as Mrs Wibbsey, Clare Corbett as Ernestina, and Christian Rodska as the Reverend Small, “The Dead Shoes” is the second of five linked stories written by the acclaimed Paul Magrs.”

CLICK HERE TO BUY FROM AMAZON

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“Doctor Who: The Forever Trap” by Dan Abnett

Starring Catherine Tate

Produed & Directed by Kate Thomas

Recorded by Neil Gardner for BBC Audio

“Catherine Tate reads this exclusive thrilling story, in which the Doctor and Donna are imprisoned on the Edifice – and become neighbours to a terrifying assortment of aliens. When the TARDIS is invaded by a holographic marketing scam, the Doctor and Donna find themselves trapped on the Edifice, a purpose-built complex of luxury apartments in space. Their new environs leave much to be desired: millions of beings from across the Universe have been gathered to live side by side in similar apartments. Instead of creating neighbourly affection, it’s led to terrible battles being waged in the corridors and on the stairwells.The Doctor and Donna must cross the paths of deadly alien mobs as they search for the Edifice’s ultimate authority. Who – or what – lies at the heart of the incredible complex? What destructive scourge is eating away at the Edifice itself? And are the Doctor and Donna trapped forever in this living hell? “The Forever Trap” features the Doctor and Donna, as played by David Tennant and Catherine Tate in the hit BBC Television series “Doctor Who”. Written specially for audio by Dan Abnett, it is read by Catherine Tate.”

CLICK HERE TO BUY FROM AMAZON

CLICK THIS BUTTON TO BUY & DOWNLOAD FROM iTunes

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Happy Birthday Ladbroke Productions (Radio) Ltd

Believe it or not, it is exactly 1 year since I bought Ladbroke Productions (Radio) Ltd and reformed the company with my friends and colleagues Neil Rosser, Richard Bannerman and Nick Lawrence.  A whole year has passed…and what a year!  While the world around us crashed, we managed by someone’s good grace, to keep winning commissions to make radio series for the national BBC radio networks (over 25 in fact!), as well as pick up some truly enthralling work with BBC Audiobooks (Dr Who and Tom Baker!).

It’s been a heck of a year for me, learning how to run a business, how to do accounts, how to market and sell…and do all this while still developing, pitching and producing radio and audio productions.  I couldn’t have done any of it without Neil, Richard and Nick, and all our friends at the BBC radio networks who supported the change of ownership, the gang at BBC Audiobooks for being our first commercial client and being so lovely with it, the lovely Sharon who helps with the more complicated accounting issues, and Andrew and the gang back at the previoud owners, Electric Airwaves who have made the transition wonderfully pain-free and remained close friends and even become clients over the year.

So here’s to year one…year two is already shaping up to be a good one with some exciting new commissions already signed up, and a lot we are currently pitching for.  And keep an eye out in January 2010 for our new company, SpokenWorld Audio…audiobook and radio programming goodies to download and enjoy!

Keep listening and keep following us on Twitter and Facebook and through the blogs…thanks to you all for your support and friendship.

Neil

Watch Out World…Snurf Factor is here!

+++ PRESS RELEASE +++

+++ Tuesday 29th Sept 2009 +++

sNurfCOM1, the Kingdom’s favourite state broadcaster has announced that starting this Saturday evening, and running for the next 147 Saturday evenings, will be the biggest entertainment audience participation educational investment portfolio renovation family programme ever devised.  Yes, that’s right, The SNURF Factor launches this weekend and is expected to get an audience of 100%, as THE THING IN CHARGE has decreed it is a hanging offence to not watch the show!

The SNURF Factor is presented by  national broadcasting treasure Leonard Nimjohn, and features four startlingly chosen guest judges.  Head of the judges is THE THING IN CHARGE, who will attend each programme via audio-telecoms from his fortress in the sky.  Joining THE THING IN CHARGE are singing pop diver DANNY MINNOW, pop princess with the unfortunate heritage CHESNEY KOLE, and a small mad sounding round furry thing that constantly shouts “BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT”.

Inhabitants of the KINGDOM OF SNURF have been queuing for months now for their chance to take part in the show…no-one has been told yet what that role may be, but it is thought that the recent culling of all experienced television personnel has left a number of jobs open on the production side of things.  But what of the rest?  Just what will the judges be judging?  Articulated lorries from around the world have been converging on the mammoth TV studios in the capital city SNURFDON, bringing a plethora of goods from every conceivable country, and several inconceivable ones!

THE THING IN CHARGE orders you to watch the show to find out more.  You will need a telephone to vote, a pen and some paper, a twenty sided dice and some shearing tongs.  You will find in this week’s sNurfCOM Times a weatherproof mack, three herring, some dimples and something special for the kids.  Ensure you have all these items displayed in your window 2 hours before the programme starts.  Inspection teams will be scouring the Kingdom.

So come one, come all (or else) to the biggest TV event ever staged.  THE THING IN CHARGE requires you to join in and have a fun evening, every Saturday for the next 147 weeks.

And who knows – it COULD be you!

N.B.  If it IS you, the employees and management of sNurfCOM1 offer you their condolences and ask that you wait patiently.  Due to the extreme numbers involved our professional and courteous staff will get to you as quickly as possible.  Please provide your own kneepads and arrange for a family member or friend to collect the bucket afterwards.

Radio Production Awards Are Launched

It is a very gratifying day…after almost 5 years of pushing, cajoling, encouraging, developing and shouting about, there are finally nationally recognised awards for those who work in the production side of UK radio and audio!  The RADIO PRODUCTION AWARDS have just been launched, a joint effort by the Radio Independents Group (the trade body that represents UK independent radio production companies) and the Radio Academy.  Sponsored by HILL DICKINSON LLP, the awards aim to bring some much needed recognition to the hard working, underpaid and over-stressed producers, researchers, engineers and others who make UK radio happen 24 hours a day 365 days a year.

It is a strange thing, but radio is the only entertainment media that to date has failed to award its production staff.  TV does it at the BAFTAs, film does it at the OSCARs, the music industry does it time and again.  Which is odd, because radio is the one medium that is run on small teams (often just one person being the writer, producer, editor, etc…) and ridiculously low budgets.  Yet for years now the industry, through the SONY and NEW YORK and PRIX ITALIA awards have recognised the on-air talent, the programmes, the stations and even the programmers…but not the writers, producers, engineers, etc…  And radio is, just like TV and film and music, an art that generally requires some technical help to bring the talent to the public.  I could name countless celebrity radio presenters who only sound so slick and professional on-air because they have someone ‘running the desk’ for them, and aproducer prepping the show in advance.  And in production radio…documentaries, dramas, music specials…not a single ‘expert presenter’ or broadcaster would be heard reporting on the latest cultural trend, or great actor heard in an afternoon play, or fantastic band heard in an ‘as live’ set if it weren’t for the producer and engineer making the programme.

So it has always bewildered me why our industry…one which has for years made a big thing of its small production teams, one-person-bands,fast-turnaround production ability, low budgets…has failed…yes, FAILED…to reward the tireless and poorly paid efforts of the real talent behind the airwaves.  The on-air talent makes the money, gets the gigs, receives the press and the plaudits, while the production teams get the aggravation, the insults, the long hours, the stress and the low wages.  The very least the industry can do, since it can’t guarantee jobs, offer training, or seemingly fight for its own continued existence, is to give a few award statues to some production personnel!

And that is what is happening…at last.  And it has happened because of the independent radio production sector.  Radio indies produce approximately 10% of the national BBC radio output (not much compared to TV indies getting to make well over 25%!), have been around for several decades, develop new talent, find UK-wide programming ideas and do all this against a backdrop of political apathy for the sector and resentment from the BBC for having to work with us.  So we’ve felt for some time that we wanted to improve the lot of those we represent, and those we employ.  For indies the on-air talent is a bolt-on, but the production teams are our bread-and-butter…they keep us going, they win us work, they make the programmes that earn us money.  We love and appreciate our production teams – hell, most of us ARE our production teams!

I recently stepped down as Chair of RIG, after spending 5 years helping to establish the trade body and make it truly representative of the indie community.  There are many things I am proud of achieving, but the Radio Production Awards is one of the proudest achievements.  It has taken a good few years of voluntary work by a group of 5 or so indie colleagues to make it a reality.  We have had financial support from a wonderful legal firm called HILL DICKINSON LLP, and now the Radio Academy has partnered with us to jointly organise and produce the annual event – adding weight and legitimacy to the awards (the academy also run the Sony Awards!)

The aim is to make it as cheap to enter and to attend as possible, since those entering are individuals and don’t have access to marketing budgets!  The awards night will be part party/part networking event. The whole thing is to be far less bloated and over-long than other media awards events.  We are talking small but beautiful!

AND it is open to everybody on the production side of UK radio, whether you work for an indie, the BBC national networks, BBC in-house production teams, local BBC radio, national commercial radio, local and regional commercial radio, AND those podcasters who aspire to produce output of radio-quality.

So…fancy taking your go at entering?  Why not?  And this is just year 1.  I hope to watch these awards grow in stature as the years pass.  Here’s the flyer, and a link to the relevant website for entries.  Good luck, spread the word…and join me in a hearty hooray for the production teams…we simply wouldn’t have any radio without them (an since 90% of the UK listen to radio every week, it would be a shock to the system!)

http://www.radioindies.org

http://www.radioacademy.org

The Kingdom of Snurf – How to spot a CHESNEY

+++ Article posted by Dr. Mamalian Despray of Snurf University for Stuff n’ Tings +++

In this time of dire national emergency, it may seem strange that there would be a need for a handy guide to spotting CHESNEYS…after all, there are hundreds of thousands of them all across our beloved land.  But here at the University we’ve been literally inundated with sightings, and all of them have been WRONG!  Yes, believe it or not, spotting an actual CHESNEY, and differentiating it from the hordes of native KINGDOM OF SNURF fauna, is no easy task. So, how to spot a CHESNEY:

[1]  Can you hear running water?  If so you may have a CHESNEY near by.

[2]  Do your noses perceive the faint aroma of perfumed aniseed rackets?  Then you could indeed be close to a CHESNEY.

[3]  Have you danced in the last 48 hours?  If not, a CHESNEY may be nesting in your shoes.

[4]  Do you have only 2 sides of equal length in your mandatory state-sanctioned Equilateral Traingle? Then either you have been visited by a, or indeed many, CHESNEYS, or else you are a traitorous seditionist risking life and limb and the national need for sleep by openly owning an Isosceles Triangle…you may be crumpled up for your crimes.

If you still think you are looking at a CHESNEY, please refer to the following composite-artists-impression-photofit-image-a-pictorium:

THIS IS NOT A CHESNEY!

If you are seeing this creature we suggest you stop wasting our time, your time and the creature’s time.  You are a time waster, and in this time of national need, with CHESNEY coming out of our drains and sniffing our edges, we have no time for time wasters.  The THING IN CHARGE has decreed this time of crisis a time for no time to be wasted.

Good luck, go prepared and don’t engage the CARBALOIDS in conversation or debate.  You think the CHESNEYS are bad, don’t even start to consider what the CARBALOIDS might do if they are not controlled correctly.

And remember…THIS IS NOT A CHESNEY:

Legal Notice – This guide is a guide and meant for guidance only.  Any use of this guide as a means of guidance except where guided to make such use will be considered a seditious act and punished by no less than several short sharp things and more guidance on the correct way to take guidance from a guide.

+++ END OF ARTICLE +++

Chesneys Invade and Infest The Kingdom of Snurf!!

+++ SNURF NEWS – FRI Sept 25th 2009 +++

By Cub Reporter BERNARDO SPONGECAKE

The sleepy villages and towns of the beautiful KINGDOM OF SNURF awoke this morning not to the normal cries of the roaming croissants, or the mating pleas of the male Floating Hammerfists…instead they awoke to the sight of hundreds of thousands of smiling, effervescent CHESNEYS.  In every home and hearth, within buildings high and low, from inside and outside and from every place within and without, the CHESNEYS swarmed and bundled and in some cases, where the rivers flow, rafted!

Mayor of tourist-favourite hamlet Little Epstein, His Honour The Mighty Frump, said of the infestation,

“This is a disaster for the KINGDOM OF SNURF.  We simply can’t keep this many CHESNEYS amused.  And we all know what happens when just one CHESNEY gets bored or even just a little listless!  How do we cope with hundreds of thousands of the smiling bastards hoofing it around the place, sniffing the edges of things and making a noise?!”

The Mayor, along with all the other Mayors of the KINGDOM, called on the mysterious THING IN CHARGE to send out the CARBALOIDS.  Specially designed to cope with such times of national strife, these shock troops have only once before been sent into action.  In that instance over half the population found themselves with no socks for a month…a major reason why the CARBALOIDS are held in reserve.

But with chaos looming, a lack of support from the international community, and a dance organised for this weekend, we now face the prospect of 24 hours of CHESNEYS vs. CARBALOIDS brouhaha.  Official advice is to remain upright, unless lying down or seated, remove all packaging before heating, and never to look a CARBALOID in the face (they don’t have one!).  If you should find yourself corned by a herd of CHESNEYS, try to float upwards gently and throw sticklebricks at the beasts…they will soon lose interest and look for some edges.

+++ END OF NEWS STORY +++

The Kingdom Of Snurf

So you wanna move to the exciting and bouncy KINGDOM OF SNURF, eh?  That’s cool, we love new people here, all sorts of people in fact, and animals and vegetables and rocks and water and birds and other things too.  BUT, there are rules in the KINGDOM OF SNURF…here are some of them.  If you can handle the rules, come on in and take a look around.  If not, head back home my friend, because in the KINGDOM OF SNURF we have these creatures made from nightmares and fluff that will hunt you down and do vile, unspeakable things to you with sprouts and giggles.

The Rules (part 1)

*  In the KINGDOM OF SNURF, you can be who you want to be, say what you want to say, do what you want to do…just don’t run in the corridors!

*  In the KINGDOM OF SNURF, dreams are ten-a-penny, goals are variable and life is enriched by the striving for aims that are achievable and attainable.  But we don’t like semolina and that’s that!

*  In the KINGDOM OF SNURF, you can fly like and eagle, soaring majestically above the towns and villages, rising on thermals and diving through canyons.  The sky is free for all to enjoy, but no colouring in the clouds, leave them as you find them please!

*  In the KINGDOM OF SNURF, the one-legged porcupine is the master of all, and the slave to none.  If you meet a one-legged porcupine be polite but move along promptly!

*  In the KINGDOM OF SNURF, three is the magic number, the only way is up, everyone loves Martika’s Kitchen, there are things that will make you go hmmmm, life is like a butterfly and everybody’s free to get real.  Just no encouraging the Jive Bunny!

*  In the KINGDOM OF SNURF, there is no right or wrong. There is no left or right.  There is no up or down.  There is no in or out. There is no forwards or backwards.  There is only a slight feeling of grooviness and all dimensions work on a voluntary basis.  Do not ask for fixed dimensions.

*  In the KINGDOM OF SNURF, there is but one day, and that day is FRUITDAY.  No mention may be made of other, spurious, days.

*  In the KINGDOM OF SNURF, there is a whole lotta shaking going on.  Failure to shake is punishable by mandatory cake icing and a visit to Arnold the Less-Than-Pleasant Pheasant!

Editing Doctor Who – an audio adventure!

The Circus of Doom (c)BBC

What a job, eh?  Editing together the latest audio adventures of the fourth Doctor, Tom Baker.  It is, I am happy to admit, a childhood dream come true!  I’ve been a Doctor Who fan since, well, since forever.  And Tom was/is MY Doctor.  My first experience of Doctor Who was in the mid to late 1970s and there he was, Tom “The Doctor” Baker…larger than life, with scarf-a-flappin, a mile-wide smile and a manic approach to being a hero.  According to my mum, I was watching Doctor Who on a Saturday evening from the age of 2…no wonder Tom Baker has such a power over my childhood memories!

As I grew up, I always knew that I wanted to work in radio and what is now referred to as audio.  And I always knew I wanted to make science fiction.  But to be making Doctor Who…and Tom Baker Doctor Who?!  Wow wow wow!

So what is it I am doing?  A few people have asked what my role actually is in the Hornets’ Nest production crew?  First off, the producer/director is the uber-talented  Kate Thomas from BBC Audiobooks.  Kate has made pretty much all of the many, many BBC Audio Dr Who audio adventures…she is a goddess of Doctor Who.  So I’m not the producer or director (unusual for me nowadays!). I certainly didn’t write it or script edit it.  The writer is the mighty Paul Magrs, a man with much Doctor Who writing experience! I’ve done my fair share of writing for radio over the years, and will continue to do so, but I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough to write for Doctor Who!  Simon Willey and Wolfgang were the recording engineers for the drama scenes, so again, that’s not my job (also unusual for me, as I have recorded most things I produce!). So what the heck is it I am doing?

In the voice-over studio

Part of my job was to bring my experience of BBC Radio drama directing/producing…in this role I advised on various aspects of the series, organised recording studios and engineers and ensured all the audio was recorded exactly as would be required to deliver the end result.

As part of this process, I also engineered the recording sessions with Tom and Richard Franklin, these were done in a radio studio rather than a drama studio (Electric Airwaves if you are interested – we used Motivation Sound Studios for the drama sessions).

The Stuff of Nightmares (c)BBC

Once everything was recorded my BIG job began.  It is my role to edit everything together, much like a film editor.  I have all the raw audio, and working alongside my script notes, I piece together each episode, using the best takes, making sure everything balances in terms of pace and style.  Once this is done I then layer in the music (supplied by the BBC), re-time everything to fit what the composer has in mind, and re-balance the volumes.  Finally I go back through the whole episode and add in sound effects (such as the wonderful original 1970s BBC Tardis SFX) and atmospheres.  With these three processes finished I have to listen through a few more times to check there are no mistakes, the pacing is right, the volumes are correct, the FX are in the right place, etc…  At this stage I send the episode to Kate at the BBC, and she, along with the commissioning editor Michael Stevens, listen through and send back a list of small changes they think need to be made.

Kate, Tom, me and Richard

You might think I would be annoyed by this short list of changes – after all, I’ve done all this hard work (something like 36 hours per ep) and these two people tell me to make alterations!  But actually it is a very useful and much appreciated stage – being so close to the audio for so long, I find that I end up missing a few things.  Plus, my opinion of pacing and style, may not suit others, and so Kate and Michael play the part of ‘first listeners’.  It is a vital and very positive stage of the production.

So, I take these notes, work through the episode to make the changes, and then master the episode.  Mastering pulls all the many audio files together into one single broadcast quality wav file.  At this point I listen through on headphones to check nothing has gone awry during the mastering process.  If everything is OK, I send an mp3 file of the episode to Kate for her to sign off on.  Once that is done I send a DATA CD and AUDIO CD of the episode to the chaps at BBC Audiobooks in Bath…they then send it through their duplication and distribution system and eventually the episode turns up as a CD and download all over the world – huzzah!

Mastering A DW Episode

I’ve done this 3 times so far – ep 1 “The Stuff of Nightmares” is in the shops now; ep 2 “The Dead Shoes” comes out at the start of October; ep 3 “The Circus of Doom” is released along with ep 4 at the start of November.  Ep 5 comes out at the start of December – all in time for Xmas

Today I finished all the stages of ep 3 – so the master discs head off in the post tomorrow.  Ep 4 is already with Kate & co for notes, so not much left to do with that one.  Just ep 5 now needs to be built and edited…so I am very nearly there.  This production started back in Feb/March and is coming to a close in Oct…6 months for 5 CDs, not a terrible amount of time at all.

Tom does some 'acting'!

And through it all I’ve been getting to edit Doctor Who, Tom Baker, the fourth Doctor.  I’ve loved this job.  It’s been a dream come true, and one I’ve been able to share with friends all around the world through the blog and Twitter and Facebook.  For those of us who grew up with Tom as the Doctor, having him return has been a very special time.  Whether you enjoy the series or not, I hope you’ll agree that Tom coming back is a great thing.  Where he goes next, what he does next, whether it be more with the BBC or with someone else, I think we can all agree that Tom is a legend and a one-off and for me, he still exerts a ridiculous amount of control over my imagination…what a joy it has been working with him.

I just wish I could share with you the out-takes

The Dead Shoes (c)BBC

“Doctor Who: Hornets’ Nest” is available via the BBC Shop, Amazon, Play, iTunes and other retailers.  There are 5 CDs in the series.

Some great places to visit:

Paul Magrs blog

BBC Shop

Tom Baker’s new website

Mmmmm, new look!

Yes, thanks to WordPress themes, the blog has a nice new look.  It’s a little thinner than before, and so should work better on netbooks and mobile phones.  I’ve gone through the posts are slimmed down the images a bit, so I hope they all work.

It’s now much easier to navigate the various themes, such as FICTS and POEMS, right from the top menu bar – woohoo!

So dive in, have a snoop around, leave feedback and share the news with friends and family – thank you and onwards to glory and ice-cream

Who Is David Bowie?

You can hear “Who Is David Bowie?” being read by legendary comedian Arthur Smith by clicking on the Box widget at the top right of the page.

David Bowie in Labyrinth

“So who is this David Bowie, then” asked pater one day,
As we communicated via telepathy over a bourbon biscuit.
“He sang songs about spacemen, laughing gnomes and Ziggy Stardust” I explained,
As pater decided that dunking was something bad and didn’t risk it.

“So his contribution is mainly lyrical?” questioned pater,
Over a large herbal tea and some custard creams.
“He also plays saxophone, guitar and keyboards” defended I,
As pater resumed his holy trinity jigsaw and mater mended my trouser seams.

“So this David Bowie has made a worthwhile contribution to society?” determined pater,
As I hurriedly drew a close to my communications with Elvis, the King.
“Certainly pater.  His use of harmonies and wind instruments in modern pop is highly regarded”,
And with that pater called his hired assassin and cancelled the contract stating this such thing.

The BIG PAIR Podcast – Ep 3 – Nobody Puts Baby In The Muller Corner!

There’s a whole new episode of THE BIG PAIR PODCAST now available for you fine folks to take a gander at.

http://bigpairpodcast.mypodcast.com/2009/09/The_BIG_Pair_Podcast_Ep_3_Nobody_Puts_Baby_In_The_Muller_Corner-240145.html

Click to jump to the podcast site

In this ep:

*An exclusive chat with Dr Who audio director/producer KATE THOMAS
*NEW Jingles!
*Some Tom Baker treats
*More comedy skits
*A rant about scifi literature & awards
*EXCLUSIVE first listen of HP Lovecraft short horror story
*More Real People
*More Cabinet of Curiosities
*LONGER running time!
*Part one of surreal audio reading “Roughcheese Came Riding”
*More more more, how do you like it?!

It’s getting longer too! Thanks to Agent manny’s intervention and a jam incident (don’t ask!) the episode is just shy of an hour long…so you get MORE for your MONEY (except you’ve not paid anything…so it’s an even BETTER deal!!)

Have a listen, send some thoughts, feedback, whatever…and please help spread the news and big up the subscriptions.

Next episode I hope to have more from the mighty Paul Kent, a special famous guest, and a whole load more toot…PLUS, chapter 2 of “THe Wonderful Wizard of Oz” read by the gorgeous Sarah Douglas.

Woot!

N

BBC News helps spread word of our new Radio 4 series

The following text and images come from the BBC News website, and talk about new findings revealed by the radio series “Inside The Bermuda Triangle” which was produced by my company, Ladbroke Productions for BBC Radio 4.  Amazingly this story has been read over 300,000 times and has been in the top 5 most read news stories in the world for the last day…exciting!  The link to the BBC news page is – http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8248334.stm

You can hear the series every weekday from today (mon 14th Sept) until fri 25th Sept at 3.45pm on BBC Radio 4, or via the iPlayer.

Please check out the Ladbroke Productions website as well

Bermuda Triangle plane mystery ’solved’

Two of the so-called Bermuda Triangle’s most mysterious disappearances in the late 1940s may have been solved.

Scores of ships and planes are said to have vanished without trace over the decades in a vast triangular area of ocean with imaginary points in Bermuda, Florida and Puerto Rico.

But journalist Tom Mangold’s new examination for the BBC provides plausible explanations for the disappearance of two British commercial planes in the area, with the loss of 51 passengers and crew.

One plane probably suffered from catastrophic technical failure as a result of poor design, while the other is likely to have run out of fuel.

Sixty years ago, commercial flights from London to Bermuda were new and perilous. It would require a refuelling stop on the Azores before the 2,000-mile flight to Bermuda, which at that time was the longest non-stop commercial overseas flight in the world.

The planes would have been operating at the limit of their range. Today planes arriving at the tiny Atlantic island have sufficient reserve fuel to divert to the US East Coast 700 miles away, in case of emergency.

And the planes of the post-war era were far less reliable than today’s airliners.

British South American Airways (BSAA), which operated the route, had a grim safety record. In three years it had had 11 serious accidents and lost five planes with 73 passengers and 22 crew members killed.

Unsolved mystery

On 30 January 1948, a BSAA Avro Tudor IV plane disappeared without trace. Twenty-five passengers and a crew of six were on board The Star Tiger. No bodies or wreckage were found.

The official investigation into the disappearance concluded: “It may truly be said that no more baffling problem has ever been presented.

“What happened in this case will never be known and the fate of Star Tiger must remain an unsolved mystery.”

At 2,000 feet you’d be leaving very little altitude for manoeuvre – in any serious in-flight emergency the plane could have lost its height in seconds and gone into the sea Eric Newton Air accident investigator

But there are a number of clues in the official accident report that reveal the Star Tiger had encountered problems before it reached the Azores.

The aircraft’s heater was notoriously unreliable and had failed en route, and one of the compasses was found to be faulty.

Probably to keep the plane warmer, the pilot had decided to fly the whole transatlantic route very low, at 2,000 feet, burning fuel at a faster rate.

On approaching Bermuda, Star Tiger was a little off course and had been flying an hour later than planned.

In addition, the official Ministry of Civil Aviation report considered that the headwinds faced by Star Tiger may have been much stronger than those forecast. This would have caused the fuel to burn more quickly.

“Flying at 2,000 feet they would have used up much more fuel,” said Eric Newton, one of the Ministry of Civil Aviation’s most senior air accident investigators, who reviewed the scenario for the BBC.

“At 2,000 feet you’d be leaving very little altitude for manoeuvre. In any serious in-flight emergency they could have lost their height in seconds and gone into the sea.”

Whatever happened to the plane, it was sudden and catastrophic – there was no time to send an emergency signal.

Five US Navy planes disappeared in the triangle area in 1945

The Avro Tudor IV was a converted warplane that was eventually taken out of passenger service because of its poor safety record. Only BSAA continued to fly the aircraft.

Gordon Store was chief pilot and manager of operations at BSAA. In an interview with his local newspaper last November, he said he had no confidence in the Tudor’s engines.

“Its systems were hopeless… all the hydraulics, the air-conditioning equipment and the recycling fans were crammed together underneath the floor without any thought. There were fuel-burning heaters that would never work,” he said.

Second accident

Almost a year to the day after the disappearance of the Star Tiger, another Avro Tudor IV belonging to BSAA vanished between Bermuda and Jamaica.

Exactly one hour after departure from Bermuda on 17 January 1949, the pilot of the Star Ariel sent a routine communication of his position. But then the plane vanished without trace at 18,000 feet.

According to experts, this would have required a sudden catastrophe.

Again, no wreckage, debris or bodies were ever found.

Fuel starvation at that height was not plausible, the weather report had been good, and pilot error was ruled out.

The plane’s poor design may well have been to blame, according to Don Mackintosh, a former BSAA Tudor IV pilot. The cabin heater mounted underneath the floor where the co-pilot sat is his prime suspect.

My theory is that hydraulic vapour escaped from a leak, which got on to a hot heater and caused an explosion Captain Peter Duffey

At the time, aircraft heater technology was still in its infancy.

“The heater bled aviation fuel on to a hot tube – and was also fairly close to the hydraulic pipes,” he says.

A pressure switch should have allowed the heater to operate when it was in the air but it was unreliable and was often deliberately short-circuited by staff, allowing the pilot manual control.

The switch prevented inflammable fuel from flowing, but if the heater was switched on manually, gas that may have collected could have ignited.

Captain Peter Duffey, a former BSAA pilot who went on to become a captain of British Airways Concorde, also believes that the proximity of the heater and the hydraulic pipes was significant.

“My theory is that hydraulic vapour escaped from a leak, which got on to a hot heater and caused an explosion,” he says.

Mr Newton’s report came to a similar conclusion: “If the heater had caught fire down below the floorboards then it could have developed to a catastrophic state before the crew knew anything about it.

“There was no automatic fire extinguisher to put it out like there is nowadays. There was no alarm where the heater was stored… so no-one would know, possibly until it was too late.”

The official accident investigation discovered that because of a communications error, search and rescue teams were not despatched until seven and a half hours later.

By then what was left of the plane and the bodies would have sunk.

The report on the disappearance of the first plane, the Star Tiger, said something which, because it could be easily misinterpreted, helped the accident achieve notoriety.

In a moment of philosophical conjecture, the investigators mused that maybe “some external cause may (have) overwhelm(ed) both man and machine”.

Those comments from sober-suited British civil servants opened the floodgates for conspiracy theorists, hack journalists and mischief makers, adding to the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle.

Inside The Bermuda Triangle – The Mysteries Solved is broadcast in 10 episodes on BBC Radio 4, starting on Monday 14 September at 1545 BST.

Stuff Wot I Made You Can Buy!

It’s quite extraordinary but some of the radio and audio productions I have produced are available to purchase from the luminaries at the BBC.  So, in the spirit of wanting to make some cash to pay for the cats’ food, I thought I might introduce you to some of these rather wonderful audio products, and offer you links to where you can buy them…please buy them, many many of them, and then buy some more for your friends and families…all the oney goes to a good cause (well, the BBC and then a little to me, sort of!)

The Brightonomicon 7 CD box-set

THE BRIGHTONOMICON by Robert Rankin

13 half hour episodes / full-cast audio drama / award winning production / as heard of BBC Radio 7

starring David Warner, Andy Serkis, Rupert Degas, Sarah Douglas, Martin Jarvis, Jason Isaacs & many more

written by Elliott Stein & Neil Gardner / music by Jeremy Paul Carroll / edited, produced & directed by Neil Gardner

a Ladbroke Productions / Hokus Bloke co-production for BBC Audio

“A stellar cast including David Warner, Rupert Degas, Andy Serkis, Mark Wing-Davey, Michael Fenton-Stevens & Martin Jarvis bring Robert Rankin’s extraordinary fantasty tale to life! This is the tale of two incredible people – one who knows he is incredible and the other who learns to be incredible. Set in 1960 in Brighton, self-styled guru and magus Hugo Rune rescues a young man from drowning and persuades him to become his assistant and partner in solving 12 mysteries. Rizla (for such is the young man’s assumed name) agrees to help as he has lost his memory and has nowhere else to go. There then follows 12 of the most baffling, surreal, exciting, head-scratching and downright far-fetched mysteries ever written…all based in and around the suburbs of Brighton. Across the mysteries Rizla and the audience learn about the Brighton zodiac, the chronovision, time travel, centaurs, a dastardly plot where the NHS kidnap vagrants for body parts, space pirates, the real history of Victorian Britain, Brighton pirates and the fate that awaits mankind should Hugo Rune fail in his task. And of course, there’s a very bad man involved indeed – Hugo Rune’s arch-nemesis of the ages, Count Otto Black – who wants to rule the world (what else!) You will never hear anything else quite like this in your lifetime. Yet another slice of far-fetched fiction in the Rankin tradition.”

CLICK HERE TO BUY FROM THE BBC SHOP

CLICK THE ICON TO BUY & DOWNLOAD FROM iTunes

________________________________________________________________________

The Stuff of Nightmares

DOCTOR WHO: HORNETS’ NEST (1): THE STUFF OF NIGHTMARES by Paul Magrs

1hr 12mins enhanced reading

starring Tom Baker & Richard Franklin

recorded & edited by Neil Gardner / produced & directed by Kate Thomas

a BBC Audio production

“Tom Baker reprises the role of the Fourth Doctor in the first of five thrilling brand new audio adventures, with Richard Franklin as Mike Yates. ‘Wanted: retired army Captain for light household duties and fireside companionship. Must tolerate mild eccentricity and strong scientific advice. Knowledge of Giant Maggots, Super Intelligent Spiders and Prehistoric Monsters a positive boon.’

Responding to an advert apparently worded for him alone, Captain Mike Yates (retired) is reunited with a ghost from the past. But why has the Doctor, that mysterious traveller in Time and Space, sent for his former UNIT acquaintance? Trapped by a horde of vicious creatures in an apparently innocuous English country cottage, the two old friends are on the brink of an enormous adventure. As the Doctor relates his recent escapades, it becomes clear to Mike that they – and the Earth at large – are facing an enemy of unimaginable power and horrific intent.

The nightmare is only just beginning… With Tom Baker as the Doctor, Richard Franklin as Mike Yates, Susan Jameson as Mrs Wibbsey and Daniel Hill as Percy Noggins, The Stuff of Nightmares is the first of five linked stories written by the acclaimed Paul Magrs.”

CLICK HERE TO BUY FROM THE BBC SHOP

CLICK THE ICON TO BUY & DOWNLOAD FROM iTunes 

________________________________________________________________________

The Dead Shoes

DOCTOR WHO: HORNETS’ NEST (2): THE DEAD SHOES by Paul Magrs

1hr 05 mins enhanced reading

starring Tom Baker & Richard Franklin

recorded & edited by Neil Gardner / produced & directed by Kate Thomas

a BBC Audio production

“Tom Baker reprises the role of the Fourth Doctor in the first of five thrilling brand new audio adventures, with Richard Franklin as Mike Yates. What is so special about a pair of ballet shoes on display in Cromer’s Palace of Curios? When the Doctor meets Ernestina Scott there in 1932, they discover the horrific truth together. The second of five linked stories written by the acclaimed Paul Magrs, The Dead Shoes also features Susan Jameson, Clare Corbett and Christian Rodska.”

CLICK HERE TO BUY FROM THE BBC SHOP

________________________________________________________________________

The Year of the Flood 14 CD box-set

THE YEAR OF THE FLOOD by Margaret Atwood

14hrs 30 mins unabridged reading

read by Lorelei King

recorded, edited & produced by Neil Gardner

a BBC Audio production

“Adam One, the kindly leader of the God’s Gardeners – a religion devoted to the melding of science and religion, the preservation of all species and the tending of the Earth – has long predicted the Waterless Flood. Now it has occurred, obliterating most human life. Two women have avoided it: the young trapeze-dancer, Ren, locked into the high-end sex club; and former SecretBurgers meat-slinger turned Gardener, Toby, barricaded into a luxurious spa. Have others survived? And what are the odds for the human race? By turns dark, tender, violent, thoughtful and uneasily hilarious, The Year of the Flood is Atwood at her most effective.”

CLICK HERE TO BUY FROM THE BBC SHOP

CLICK THE ICON TO BUY & DOWNLOAD FROM iTunes 

________________________________________________________________________

6000 Postcards radio feature

6000 POSTCARDS

27mins 30secs radio documentary / as heard on BBC Radio 4

presented by Chris McManus

produced by Richard Bannerman / executive produced by Neil Gardner

a Ladbroke Radio production for BBC Radio 4

“Chris McManus uncovers the secrets of a collection of 6000 dusty old postcards that turned up in a forgotten cupboard in the Psychology Department of University College London. It started with two medium-sized cardboard boxes. When Richard Rawles of the Department opened them, he found the cards, with postmarks dating from August 1953. They were addressed to the BBC Television Service, and the search was on to find out how they came to be there and what information they contained.”

CLICK THE ICON TO BUY & DOWNLOAD FROM iTunes 

________________________________________________________________________

Bridging The Gap radio feature

BRIDGING THE GAP

27mins 30secs radio documentary / featured on “Pick of the Year” / as heard on BBC Radio 4

presented by Simon Fanshawe

produced by Tamsyn Challenger / executive produced by Neil Gardner

a Ladbroke Radio production for BBC Radio 4

“Simon Fanshawe visits an ambitious community project in Bridging the Gap at 1100 on Monday 7th August. The gap in question is the cavernous void between young and old that breeds mistrust and anxiety. Pat Stewart and Rob Burley run the On the Streets project in Gorton, Manchester. Their aim is to develop in young teenagers a sense of their community and show them there is more to life than spiralling from ASBO to serious crime.In the programme, the 15- and 16 year-olds talk frankly about a life they feel has little to offer them – with few or no facilities, threats from gangs, and nothing to occupy their time.The programme attends an events day run by Pat and Rob at the Angel Community Centre, where one highlight is the hand massage session that not only gives the over-60s a chance to relax and enjoy a bit of pampering, but more importantly, a chance for young and old to talk and exchange stories from their very different lives.The campaign itself has won awards for breaking down barriers and helping to develop communication and common interest across generations, and Pat and Rob are determined to “take young people out of the thug mode and elderly people out of the victim mode”. As one of the documentary’s producers, Tamsyn Challenger, says, “To hear a 14-year-old talking about 80-year-old Lou on his estate is heartening when there is little positive coverage of 14-year-old Manchester lads living in depressed areas.” Simon Fanshawe discusses the project both with the scheme’s leaders and also with the police, and guides us through the On the Streets story.”

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Giants On Our Hands radio feature

GIANTS ON OUR HANDS

27mins 30secs radio documentary / featured on “Pick of the Week” / as heard on BBC Radio 4 and BBC World Service

presented by Adam Fowler

produced by Adam Fowler & Anna Scott-Brown / executive produced by Neil Gardner

a Ladbroke Radio production for BBC Radio 4/WS

“For 5,000 years and more, elephants have served humanity, as a living tractor, pile driver, fork-lift, tank, and 4WD. But the working elephant is now at the end of its economic usefulness. Adam Fowler explores the plight of thousands of captive elephants in Asia and their historic and changing relationship with man.”

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Rembrandt 400 radio feature

REMBRANDT 400

43mins 30secs radio documentary / as heard on BBC Radio 3

presented by Neil MacGregor

produced by Richard Bannerman / executive produced by Neil Gardner

a Ladbroke Radio production for BBC Radio 3

“Neil MacGregor, the director of the British Museum, marks the 400th anniversary of Rembrandt’s birth. He visits Amsterdam, where Rembrandt made his home for the major part of his creative life, and where he painted the masterpieces that hang in galleries around the world. Rembrandt’s birthday is on July 15, and Amsterdam has marked the year with all kinds of events, from a new musical on Rembrandt’s life to exhibitions looking at every aspect of the artist’s work, from the epic painting of The Night Watch to small-scale etchings and drawings. Neil MacGregor, a longtime enthusiast for Rembrandt’s work, begins the programme in the house where Rembrandt lived in Amsterdam from 1639 to 1658, when bankruptcy in his later years forced him to move. Here, from the basement to the attic, are the everyday objects that Rembrandt would have known, from his box-bed to the huge collection of antiques and curios from all corners of the Dutch-traded world, which Rembrandt made use of to bring the excitement of the exotic into his work. Nearby in the Rijksmuseum, an exhibition puts Rembrandt’s major paintings against those of his slightly earlier Italian counterpart Caravaggio, showing the play of light and dark which gave both artists’ work that gleaming, arresting quality, and which lent a powerful drama to the Biblical or classical scenes they often depicted. In Rembrandt’s case, he turned away from images of beauty or flattery to depict people in all their human frailty – their tenderness, uncertainty, pain, and mortality. It is these qualities, as Neil MacGregor says, that make his paintings reach out so directly to us today, as well as impressing the spectator with their mastery of skill and often dazzling richness.”

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The Forever Trap 2 CD exclusive

DOCTOR WHO: THE FOREVER TRAP by Dan Abnett

2hrs 20mins reading / exclusive adventure from the BBC

read by Catherine Tate

recorded & edited by Neil Gardner / produced & directed by Kate Thomas

a BBC Audio production

“Catherine Tate reads this exclusive thrilling story, in which the Doctor and Donna are imprisoned on the Edifice – and become neighbours to a terrifying assortment of aliens.  When the TARDIS is invaded by a holographic marketing scam, the Doctor and Donna find themselves trapped on the Edifice, a purpose-built complex of luxury apartments in space. Their new environs leave much to be desired: millions of beings from across the Universe have been gathered to live side by side in similar apartments. Instead of creating neighbourly affection, it’s led to terrible battles being waged in the corridors and on the stairwells.   The Doctor and Donna must cross the paths of deadly alien mobs as they search for the Edifice’s ultimate authority. Who – or what – lies at the heart of the incredible complex? What destructive scourge is eating away at the Edifice itself? And are the Doctor and Donna trapped forever in this living hell?   The Forever Trap features the Doctor and Donna, as played by David Tennant and Catherine Tate in the hit BBC Television series Doctor Who. Written specially for audio by Dan Abnett, it is read by Catherine Tate.”

CLICK HERE TO BUY FROM THE BBC SHOP

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The Year of the Flood

Year of the Flood 12 CD box-set

Margaret Atwood’s latest novel “The Year of the Flood” is being released by BBC Audio as a 12 CD unabridged reading box-set.  Read by Lorelei King, it was produced and edited by…well, by me!  Huzzah!  Here’s what it’s about:

“Adam One, the kindly leader of the God’s Gardeners – a religion devoted to the melding of science and religion, the preservation of all species and the tending of the Earth – has long predicted the Waterless Flood. Now it has occurred, obliterating most human life. Two women have avoided it: the young trapeze-dancer, Ren, locked into the high-end sex club; and former SecretBurgers meat-slinger turned Gardener, Toby, barricaded into a luxurious spa. Have others survived? And what are the odds for the human race? By turns dark, tender, violent, thoughtful and uneasily hilarious, The Year of the Flood is Atwood at her most effective.”

Lorelei King - goddess of reading!

Lorelei was fantastic to work with, we recorded the entire 12 CDs in 4 days at Electric Airwaves radio studio in Central London, and I then edited the set down to its final 14 and a bit hours running time at my home editing suite in Croydon.  The story is split in to chapters and ’sections’, each section starts with a lesson from Adam One and then a hymn…but instead of having Lorelei read these hymns out, we have fully composed and sung versions which range from gospel to country to rock, its all rather fabulous!

The book is already out, and the audio version is released on September 17th.  You can buy it from book stores, online at the BBC Shop, Amazon, etc… or as a download from iTunes.  Links are here:

BBC Shop – http://www.bbcshop.com/Drama+Arts/The-Year-Of-The-Flood/invt/9781408427453

Amazon – http://tinyurl.com/meozct

Download via iTunes –

Cussbert & Co!

Another new idea for a regular cartoon strip…this is the story of the quest by Cussbert & Co. for somewhere cool and interesting to hang out.  Cussbert & his troupemay look like cute cuddly multi-coloured fluff balls, but they’ve got a right potty mouth on them!  They’re looking for something cool…but not much makes them happy?!  Mildly not safe for work or for children (rude words used!).

Cussbert & Co. 001, (c) Neil Gardner, 2009

Meet the Flat Life Gang

Over the coming weeks and months you’ll get to know the four ne-er-do-wells that comprise our Flat Life gang…but as a little prompt to what comes later, here’s a quick look at who is who:

(c) Neil Gardner, 2009

(c) Neil Gardner, 2009

(c) Neil Gardner, 2009

(c) Neil Gardner, 2009

“Where’s My Nose?!”

A return to some silly poetry for you…and you can also hear the poem being read by infamous Canadian actor Kerry Shale by clicking on the Box widget at the top right of the page!

“Where’s My Nose?!”

I looked behind the fridge for an entire morning,
And then I spent the afternoon searching through the awning.
I hunted through the loft and eves,
And then behind the Yucca plant’s leaves.

I called my mate Pete and asked for a hand,
He arrived with Dave and Chris who were in a band.
Between us we laboured to search the house,
And all we found was a heavily inebriated mouse.

“For Jake’s sake,” decried Pete “we’ll never find it!”
“Where was it last,” asked Chris, “can you recall even that wee bit?”

I thought long and hard, about the past day,
Where I’d been and with who, those I dare say,
Could have seen me with it, or at least have an idea,
Not originating from their rear!

And then I remembered the chap on the train,
Short and fat, lean and crisp and certainly under strain.
He’d told me a sorry tale about some cats,
Alone and bored and terrorising high rise flats.

I’d sat and listened through his sorry tale,
And when he’d finished I asked what could be done to curtail,
These annoying pussies, all noisy and wet,
Surely take them to some home for wayward pets.

“No,” he’d explained.  “They require a human nose,
For payment to their masters, the Mafia Crows.
Can I have yours, “ he then asked with aplomb…
“WHAT?” I exploded, with vim, vigour and somewhat like a bomb.
“My nose, dear sir, is mine and mine alone”
And with that I closed my eyes and ears, clearly stating “No one home”.

When I awoke at East Croydon station the chap was missing,
Along with my briefcase, my kebab and my Riesling.
But what shocked me most as it goes,
Was the fact that the cad had removed my nose.
Quite painlessly and with some style,
And he’d left me cash in payment, quite a pile.

Pete and Chris and Dave looked shocked,
Their mouths wide open their jaws firmly locked.

“So my nose isn’t lost, it’s a trophy for some Mafia Crows,
A peace offering from wet pussies in flats like those…”
I pointed through the window across the road,
In time to see a dark bird fly past under some nasal load,
Straight into a hellfire of bullets and lead,
The damp pussies tired of paying homage shot off his head!

And my nose now fell many feet to the ground,
Where it lay there for a moment safe and sound,
Until a lorry driven by killer Pandas ran it over,
On their way to help give the pussies extra cover.

“Another damn animal war, it looks like!”
“Yup.  Never seem happy those guys, hey look, it’s Mike!”

Yes, Mike, the leader of the local Tong Marmosets strolled by,
All cool and calm and no-one shot, nor even try,
And Mike picked up my flat nose and walked this way,
Like Steve Tyler in fur he confidently called out to say,
“Neil, here’s your nose, we no need it no more, OK”

And that was that, the shooting stopped and all was well.

Nice.